I HATE IT
I HATE Being Adopted. I know I'm not the only one. There are thousands upon thousands who feel the same way.
Tell me if adoption is SO GOOD how come I and all those others Hate being adopted ? and hurt so much ?
Just for point of reference, I do not hate my adopted parents, I am not ungrateful, I am not selfish, I just HATE Being adopted.
Why do I hate being adopted ? because it hurts, it hurts like hell, and some days it just comes and slaps you in the face , and knifes you in the heart , when you're not expecting it, and hurts even harder.
Why do I hate being adopted ? because sometimes whilst reading blogs, expanding my horizons , trying to understand all sides of adoption, getting something in on my google reader I come across crap like this .....
This has been one of those knife in the heart moments as I read the bullshit of this shows upcoming episodes.
In particular looking at the following episodes below. Because these are the only ones I looked at , frankly I don't think my heart could take anymore.
So first of all when you go to the above link you come to a page that is titled
Adoption Diaries Premieres Saturday, Sept. 12 at 10p|9c
Then you get a intro to the show which states
About the Show
WE tv's new original series, Adoption Diaries, explores the process in which privately held open adoptions take place. The series showcases the matching process between couples who, having struggled with infertility, turn to adoption and the brave, expecting mothers whose difficult and selfless decision to place their children for adoption makes it all possible.
You are then presented with an array of segments including
FAQ : What is Open Adoption,
Ask The Experts ,
Feature Article: All the Love in the World , (read memoirs of an an open adoption family) My personal favourite - well if I want to weep to the point of not only my heart hurting but my head
Talk about it,
So, I first came across these photo galleries
Adoption Diaries Episode 2 - This one broke my heart piece by piece as I looked at these photos, whilst I'm sure that the adoptive parents are very nice people, the baby doesn't belong with them, the baby belongs with her Mother and her older brother.. Picture 4 and 5 were particularly harrowing to me, as I looked at this woman, this baby girls mother who just gave birth to her , holding her and smiling this massive smile for the cameras , knowing that she was going to be just giving this baby away in the upcoming days if not hours. Tearing her away from not only her one connection HER MOTHER that had just carried her for 9months, soothing her with her voice and everything about her , but also her older brother. There is a grandmother on the scene, in the photo shoot number 5 where the mother Grandmother and the baby's older brother are all around her ... Such a beautiful scene, a family together just after a baby's birth...but clicking on to pictures 1 and 3 shatter that delusion yes I said delusion...because this little baby girls is about to be ripped from her heritage, her destiny (after all she was planted into this woman , sitting in the hospital bed , who just gave birth to her , womb...and not that other fake mummy.
How can ANYONE want to give birth and then just hand that beautiful little girl over to total strangers.When I say that I realise that the mother who gave birth, may have had many conversations and feel she knows them, but they ARE Complete strangers to the baby.
This photo gallery /of this episode was probably particularly hard for me, as I was also removed from my older sister...
And then this one
Adoption Diaries Episode 3 Well I'm still trying to figure this one out because the photo number 3 and 4 are very confusing. Certainly the woman they refer to as the birth mother in photo 3 doesn't look anything like the woman they refer to as birth mother in photo 4.
Photo 5 has the heartbreaking caption :
"and was overjoyed with the gift she gave her family"This baby isn't a gift. This baby isn't something that you should give away. The definition of GIFT as per Dictionary.com is as follows
1. something given voluntarily without payment in return, as to show favor toward someone, honor an occasion, or make a gesture of assistance; present.I don't see *babies* fitting in under this definition of GIFT - do you ? NO that's because human beings are not meant to be traded, sold or GIFTED!!!
2. the act of giving.
3. something bestowed or acquired without any particular effort by the recipient or without its being earned: Those extra points he got in the game were a total gift.
4. a special ability or capacity; natural endowment; talent: the gift of saying the right thing at the right time.
Its insulting to hear adoptive parents, social workers, adoption agencies or anyone else referring to a baby as a gift.
The only GIFT that should be used in reference to a baby is that they are a Gift of life - from GOD. They are not exchangeable , refundable , swappable, saleable or GIFTABLE !!!!
And then this brings me to the "Feature Story" where my heart broke a thousand times for that little baby and the biological dad.
Reading what he wrote, looking at his face as he stood with the Adoptive parents and his son, my heart broke for him, this wasn't a young man who was filled with joy at giving up his son, no this was a young man who was prbably guilted into doing so whether by others , or whether by his own thoughts.
All I hear through out this story and many others is how selfless the first mother is. This mother was not selfless...she spelt it out .. she wanted a college degree , to meet a nice boy, to get married and to have a baby...not meet a nice boy and get pregnant before her dreams !!!!
So life throws a curve ball SO WHAT - and in fact the dad states that yes it hurts sometimes but it wouldn't be life if it didn't...and you know what the same goes to not having your dreams run in the order you want.
These young people had parents , the grandparents of this baby, they were not street kids with no where to go. The extended families should have helped this young woman and young man raise their child. They were not 15 year olds , they were 19 year olds.
These young people are so glassy eyed about this whole open adoption business, but I wonder how long that will indeed continue as most open adoptions do not continue that way. I hope for the baby's sake it does.
I'm sure most of my readers are well aware of my feelings of open adoption. I think its a big con to get the baby away from the mother in the first place. And I think its very confusing to the child as they get older.
Does anyone actually engage their brains before they do these things ? do they actually wonder what emotional impact this might have on a child ?
I'll leave you all to read the feature story, as linked above and to come to your own thoughts and conclusions but for me, I don't agree with it being selfless, the most SELFLESS thing to do would have been to keep the baby and raise him with the help of the bio dad (whether they remained together or not is not relevant to that ) and with the help of the extended family.
That would have been selfless...