Sometimes its just too hard.

I was googling *adoptees and loss of childhood memory* for my previous post about Memories.

I came up with this lovely little Blog

This particular comment that was left on this persons blog really out a knife straight through my heart, I cant imagine how a first mother would take it :( There is no first mother that I have come across that says that the adoptive parents kidnapped her child. Sure they may blame the agency, adoption facilitator who may have coerced her into it but I don't think they blame the adoptive parent unless of course they knew that the child was gained illegally or through coercion. There would be very few who would refer to adoptive parents as *kidnapping* the child they gave birth to.

Elisa Says:
July 4, 2007 at 1:33 pm

The other side of this is I’ve been getting some venomous comments from a couple of women who gave up their kids for adoption many years ago. They were of course using the same boring rehash about how myself and all other adoptive parents out there are acting “entitled” and “arrogant” about taking “other people’s children” and separating them from their birth families.
Basically, adoptive parents are legally kidnapping babies from their mothers.

I just have one thing to say about that:
WHAT PLANET DO YOU COME FROM???
Nobody held a gun to your head. You signed the papers. You may have been a teenager, felt pressured, etc, but YOU GAVE UP this child. (Maybe due to social stigma, poverty, depression, or simply not being ready to have a kid).
BUT when you did that, the child became SOMEONE ELSE’S CHILD.
Plain and simple.

You didn’t feel that you could be a parent to the baby. So you gave up all rights to him/her. I understand that there were tremenduous emotions involved in that decision, but WHERE ON EARTH do these people come from, to act as if these kids were kidnapped from them at gunpoint???

Have some respect for the people who actually TOOK that parentless child and raised him/her. That child is no longer YOURS, but THEIRS. They didn’t rob you of your child. They are not kidnappers. Heck, they don’t even know you! But “your” child ceased being your child when you signed the papers.

Dismissing their adoptive mother and father (their REAL parents legally, and the only family they have known) as nothing more than arrogant, “entitled” jerks who want nothing better to do than satisfy their sadistic urges to kidnap and mentally torture a child by forcing them to “conform”, is insulting not only to them, but to your own child.

Do you REALLY think you are helping your relationships with those adopted children (if and when you happen to meet again) or their psychological well-being by expressing such open-faced hostility toward their mom and dad?

Regret, jealousy and rage for having missed the most important milestones in the life of the person you gave birth to ought not to negate or deny the love that this child received from someone else: his or her parents. Be thankful that someone loved them.

Seriously how nasty and mean can some people be ? And how so wrong in their warped view that they perceive adoptees to be angry and ungrateful and bitter and all the rest of it.

I am Angry, yes, but I am not angry at my Mother who gave birth to me, or My adoptive mother for adopting me....I am angry at a society that feels that they need to force adoption down peoples gobs as the *better way*, * the only way* *the right thing to do*, or as a *gift*
You see the trouble is that people are so blinded by their need, their want, their desire for a child that they can not see what a MEGA HUGE money making wheel adoption is.

Upon further reading of this *blog* I came across these little numbers under the adoption tag


This woman doesn't even have children, biological or adopted, from what I can gather she isnt an adoptee either so how the fuck does she think she is in any way shape or form able to talk about this subject ? People called her undeducated, and this I disagree with according to what she has said about her level of education she is well educated, smart and well versed but lady in the domain of being a mother or adoptee you have NO experience, and it doesnt matter how educated or well versed or smart you are until you have been a birth mother, adooptee, adoptive mother, or even a mother you just are not qualified to talk logically on these subjects.

And then this under the Abortion Tag

Pftt I had Gender disappointment with my 2cnd child. I wanted the same as my first, but got the opposite found out during a terrifying CVS. Not only did I have the scary wait of a 1:100 chance of a miscarriage but was also going to be told the sex of my child.
And it turned out to be NOT the sex of the child that I had wanted. I was devestated. How was I ever going to cope with a *boy*
But NEVER Once did I contemplate abortion, or wish I had miscarried. I just wished it had been a girl inside me for my entire pregnancy.

BUT

The Moment he was placed upon my breast after giving birth......every single one of those thoughts vanished. Sometimes as I try to keep up with him these days I think and this is why I wanted a girl ! But I love him and cherish him with all my heart and couldnt imagine my life without him.

To abort because its the wrong sex is completely and utterly disgraceful. To play god in changing the sex is wrong.
When you start to mess with nature you start to shift the balance of life. Haven't we seen that in Global Warming ?
Many MANY of the things that are wrong in this world are because of man changing the balance of nature, Interfering with nature.

If you feel you can cope and eventually come to love this child, that you can try again in another pregnancy, or are able to give them up for adoption if you cannot bond at all, then make the decision that is right for you.

Suggesting Giving up a child for adoption because it is the wrong sex is one of the most selfish , diabolical things I have read in adoption land to date !

But then again all this is coming from a Non Adoptee/Non First Mother/Non Adoptive Mother/ oh and NON Mother at all !

It IS Fine to research subjects, and it is fine to give an opinion about them, but to talk as though you have intimate knowledge of the subject is NOT.

I understand being Adopted and can talk on the subject with authority
I understand being Pregnant (twice) and can talk on the subject with authority
I understand being a Mother (twice) and can talk on the subject with authority
I understand having Gender Disappointment and can talk on the subject with *Some* authority

But people that are so in your face and so *right* when they have no intimate knowledge really piss me off.

• And science has given us a lot of options. But for those who are eager to jump on the let’s-ban-gender-determination-technology bandwagon, realize that for centuries, people have been favouring their children, choosing to feed some, choosing to neglect others. Is this genetic screening not a more humane way to deal with those issues? If everybody selectively had “one of each gender”, or “completed” their family with children of both genders, so what? I will abstain from judging them until I’ve walked a mile in their shoes

No people in general do not choose to favour their children. People in general do not choose to feed some and neglect others.
Most people (except China!) are not hell bend on having a particular sex either.
Its not the majority its the minority.

The only thing I will REMOTELY agree on is that Gender Disappointment is a very real issue for SOME Women (and some Men) and it is definitely a 'in the closet' topic. Most people that I spoke to had never even heard of Gender Disappointment.


I have to say that this particular blog that i came across is one of the most mean spirited blogs I have encountered....