Letter to a Birthmother

I sent this letter to my own natural mother when after a year of letters between the solicitor she hired and the counselor sending my letters, cards and photos, the counselor suggested that I send this letter, with appropriate details, as it had been used by other adoptees with success.


Its for those mothers who are having issues with making the contact or expanding the contact..

When the counselor first told me and sent it to me and said this has been used by other adoptee/s with success I thought but isn't it blackmail ?, in the end though as the year of her refusal of non contact I did use it...It had the result intended but I still wish that I had not needed it




Dear ,

I have decided to write to you a letter from the heart, in the hope that it reaches some remote part of your heart and soul that isn't closed to me. The last thing I wish to do is cause you pain, and it saddens me for your sake and mine that you have not been able to share the past with your family. Surely they would be understanding and not blame you in any way - I certainly do not. I understand the era I was born into Adult adoptees are not judgmental in the least ,all most of us want is some background information on our biological parents and their families

Like Most adopted children, I have a serious problem with knowing who I am , my roots , my genealogy , my medical history, who I am like, who I look like, What traits I have i inherited etc etc Every time and adopted child looks into the mirror they are searching for who is behind that face. Not just the woman in whose womb they lived for nine months, but her family and that of their birth father and his family. Adopted children and adults are condemned into anonymity. Yes I know I am (age) bit it doesn't get any easier as one gets older. In fact it gets harder and harder as we move into a more reflective part of our lives. Sadly there are literally hundreds and thousands of adoptees (and relinquishing mothers) all over the world desperately searching for their roots. IT has nothing to do with how happy or otherwise they wre or are with their adoptive parents, it is a far more primal would that we seek to heal. It has nothing to do with letting down or being disloyal to adoptive parents, most nowadays are understanding of their adopted children's needs It is a different issue entirely

This understanding of the crucial importance to adoptees in knowing their biological heritage in forming a secure identity has been reflected in more enlightened legislations in my parts of the world
I cant promise not to every contact my *grandparents,sibling,aunt*
I seem to have spent my entire life complying with other peoples wishes and at *age* with so many crucial questions unanswered can do so no longer
I truly hope that you can see beyond your own painful memories
With Love and understanding,

Namexx